I'm Already Married!
by Devlin Dracul
Summary: My alternate scenario of a certain scene in the Thriller Bark Arc. Found out it would have caused a lot of trouble if it was canon, but still fun to make.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to the most important and irreplaceable man in the world, Oda. This is just how I would have wanted a certain scene to go in the Thriller Bark Arc. Upon further inspection, I realized that my version would have caused a hell of a lot of problems if it was canon... BUT WHO GIVE A DAMN?! It's called fan FICTION for a reason. Well, here's what I wish Nami did in Thriller Bark.**

"KYAAAA!"

"I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"

Nami was being chased by the zombie known as Lola. She was running with Usopp and Chopper at her side, but the two tripped and were left behind. Since Lola ran right past them, Nami realized that she was the zombie's only target.

"I'LL BRUTALIZE YOU!" Lola made this more obvious as she wildly swung her two swords.

Nami was running like made, digging in her skirt's pockets. "Come on! Come on! There has to be something in here I can use! Anything to at least distract or trick her!" As Nami continued to search, she felt something in her pocket. She took it out to see if it was anything useful.

"A RING?!" It was one of the many rings her crew found on one of their adventures. She doesn't remember which one, though. It was an expensive looking, gold, diamond encrusted ring. It probably would be sold for quite a pretty beli, but it could also be used for something else. A wedding ring. This gave her an idea. She put the ring on her left ring finger and turned towards the charging zombie.

"I WON'T LET YOU HAVE ABSALOM!"

"WELL, I DON'T WANT HIM!" Nami then flashed the ring. "I'M ALREADY MARRIED!"

This stopped Lola dead in her tracks, a look of shock on her face. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. I'm already married. I'm off the market! My name is..." Nami had to think for a bit. The only two men on her crew that actually had a surname were Luffy and Zoro. She had to pick between the two, and decided to go with the more intimidating lie. "...is Monkey Nami! My husband is my captain, Monkey D. Luffy!"

Lola just stood there shocked, and dropped her swords. Nami thought she was in the clear. She was with Lola, but she had one other problem. She didn't know that Usopp and Chopper were there to hear the lie. Usopp saw right through it, but Chopper's innocence led him to believe the lie.

"So... you're really married?" Lola looked so hopeful.

"Yeah, I am. And from one married woman to a future one, don't you dare give up! Absalom was meant to be your husband, just like Luffy was meant to be mine!"

Lola started to cry. "You... really mean that?" Nami nodded. Lola then fell to her knees, letting the tears flow. "Thank you. You're the first person to have ever encouraged me. For a fellow wife to be on my side... it's so encouraging."

Nami smiled as she outstretched her hand. Lola looked at it with confusion. "I believe in your love. It's my duty as your friend."

Lola could have sworn Nami was sparkling. "Oh, Mrs. Monkey!"

"Please, call me Nami. We're friends now, right?"

Lola grabbed Nami's hand, tears of joy flowing freely. "NAMI!"

Usopp just stared at the scene with an impressed look. "That was a pretty good lie, Nami. The warthog feel for it hook,line, and sinker."

Though, he was standing right next to him, Chopper didn't hear what Usopp had said. He was too surprised by what Nami said, and was lost in thought. "So Luffy and Nami are married? I wonder when that happened. They must have done it before having me join."

 **A/N: Now we skip to where it would have been complicated if it were canon. Good thing it wasn't. Now that I think of it, that lame "I'm a guy" lie was probably for the best, though I still don't like it. Anyway, let's go to the Straw Hats after they sailed away from Thriller Bark, now completely healed and rested.**

Everyone was on deck for one reason or the other. Luffy was sitting on the rails of the Thousand Sunny, fishing for any potential lunch or for something cool enough to put into the aquarium. As usual, Zoro was taking a nap. Sanji gave Nami a cool ice drink, and Nami was sitting at the deck's table with a newspaper in hand. Usopp was repairing Nami's Clima-Tact, which suffered a bit of damage from Lola and the rest of the zombie horde of Thriller Bark. Robin was sitting on one of the beach chairs, enjoying the drink Sanji gave her while reading a good book. Franky was making sure the ship was on course per Nami's directions. Brook was playing a soft melody on his violin. Finally, Chopper was grinding herbs for some new medicine. Or at least, he was, at first.

His innocent mind was still stuck on Nami's lie. He was just so curious. He thought about asking Nami, but thought it would be easier to ask Luffy. Nami can be scary if you ask her the wrong question, something he learned the hard way on Mock Town when he asked her about the Sky Islands.

Chopper walked over towards Luffy, no one paying any attention to him, since they were all distracted with their own activities. "Hey, Luffy, can I ask you a question?"

Luffy was actually dozing off a bit, but hearing Chopper talk to him pretty much woke him up. He looked towards Chopper with wide awake eyes. "Hm? Sure. What's up?"

"How long have you and Nami been married?"

Luffy tilted his head, giving off his often used confused look. However, he wasn't the only one caught off guard by the question.

Nami was just taking a sip of her drink when Chopper asked the question. When she heard it, she spat it out in a torrent powerful enough to cut steel.

Usopp smashed his hammer against his finger. Though a tear had fallen, he didn't really feel it. He had a look of shock on his face, his jaw smashing against the deck. He never thought Chopper would believe Nami's lie, let alone ask that extremely deadly question in front of everybody. He feared for the well being of their youngest crew mate.

Even though Zoro was dead asleep, that question was still somehow able to jolt him awake. It felt like he was hit by one of either Enel's lightning bolts, or one of Nami's. He looked at Chopper and Luffy with shocked eyes, not believing what he just heard. He was almost convinced he was still asleep, until he saw the faces of his other crew members. He also thought that not even he could dream up the look on Sanji's face.

Sanji dropped his serving dish, and fell on his back. His face went beyond the level of shocked. His jaw was as long as his body. His eyes had tears falling like waterfalls. It even created a puddle around him. He was completely rigged and stiff, not twitching a single muscle. You couldn't tell if he was suffering from a heart attack or a stroke, maybe even both. He was so still, that you would have thought that Aokiji froze him without encasing him in ice.

Robin actually put down her book to watch the scene play out. She had a good idea about what was happening, which made her cover her mouth to stifle so much as a giggle. This would be way too much fun to interrupt.

Brook was surprised. "Oh, what a shock. So young, at yet already in love and married. I do wish I could have attended the ceremony. I would have loved to play for you with all of my heart and soul. Ah, but I guess I don't have a heart anymore, do I? Yohohoho!"

Franky got into his pose. "You two are together?! Why didn't you say something? That's some SUPER awesome news! I gotta make something as a wedding gift. You guys need a crib anytime soon? Or do ya want me to make some baby toys?" Nami was as red as a tomato when she heard Franky ask that.

Luffy was still confused. He then looked over towards Nami. "Hey Nami, are we married?"

"WHAT?! NO!"

Chopper then looked at Nami. "Then why did you say that to Lola at Thriller Bark? I mean, you're still wearing the ring, after all."

Nami looked down at her hand. She was. She kept it on the entire time to sell the charade, and to continue to trick Lola. During all of the crazy commotion, she completely forgot to take it off. "I WAS LYING!" She then took off the ring. "There's no way I'd ever marry Luffy."

Chopper looked disappointed, but Sanji sprang back to life. "That's right, Chopper. Besides, there's no way a beautiful woman would ever want to marry a guy like Luffy. There's no such woman in this world."

 **Meanwhile, on Amazon Lily.**

"Achoo." It was barely a sneeze. It was way to small, cute, and lady like. The sneeze of an elegant woman. The owner of the admittedly adorable sneeze was none other than Boa Hancock.

Her sisters heard the tiny sneeze. Sandersonia spoke first. "Sister, are you catching a cold?"

"No. It's nothing like that. I believe someone is talking about me."

Marigold crossed her arms. "Hmph, probably one of those worthless marines. Goodness, can't those pigs think of anything else?"

"Fret not, dear Marigold. It's only natural for men to be infatuated by my beauty. All men are weak against it."

Sandersonia and Marigold smiled, and spoke in unison. "Yes. Our sister's beauty is unbeatable. No man can resist it."

"And it's because of that, all men are inferior to us. They are all worthless. No man shall ever conquer us, especially not me."

 **Back on the Sunny**

Zoro couldn't help but want to argue with Sanji. "And what if there is, Pervy Cook? What if there's a drop dead gorgeous woman who actually wants Luffy for a husband?"

"THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN, MOSS HEAD! BUT IF IT DOES, THEN I'D RATHER GO TO HELL THEN LIVE IN A REALITY LIKE THAT!"

 **Meanwhile, on Newkama Island.**

"A-A-ACHOO!" That sneeze shook the entire island. It was seriously huge, ugly, and a very manly sneeze. The sneeze of a full grown man. The owner of the sneeze. . . . . WAS EVERY FREAKING RESIDENT OF NEWKAMA ISLAND!

"Oh, my. What an unladylike thing to do."

"Don't worry, darling. It just means that someone was talking about us."

"Oh, I do hope it was that strapping young man I saw on that island."

"Ooh, he was a cutie, wasn't he?"

The disturbing sight of men dressed as women got even more horrifying when they started to gossip. From a distance, and through a telescope, it would look like goblins scheming among themselves. . . . Actually, some incarnations of goblins are pretty cute. These... creatures were the furthest thing from cute. They looked more like deformed monstrosities.

Off the coast of the island, far away from the shore, there was a pirate ship. One of the scouts was using his telescope to get a visual on the island. The poor man was unfortunate enough to see the hideous sight. He ran off screaming, accidentally throwing the telescope into the air. The captain was able to catch the tool, and looked through it. What he saw caused him to vomit, and had him immediately order the ship to change directions.

"But captain, the log pose points to that island, and we're running low on provisions."

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! We are not landing on that island! That island... is Hell on Earth. I'd rather be eaten by a Sea King." The captain then handed the telescope to the crew member, and had him look through it. The crew mate was close to losing his own lunch. He then turned around to give the captain's orders, vowing never to question his captain's orders ever again.

 **Back on the Sunny.**

"I don't want to get married anyway." All eyes turned on Luffy. "I'm not going to get married. At least, not now. The only time I'll ever get married... is after I'm King of the Pirates, or I just won't get married at all. I'd rather be married as the Pirate King, so my wife can be the Pirate Queen. So Nami, when I become King of the Pirates..." He gave his trademark smile. "... wanna get married, and become Queen of the Pirates?"

Nami was blushing at the question. "N-No way!" She looked away from him, her eyes closed. "You can just keep on dreaming about that." She then began to drink her beverage, trying to distract herself from thinking about Luffy's proposal, as well as have an excuse to not talk anymore.

"Hm... okay. I understand. Hey Robin, what about you? You wanna get married when I become King?"

Nami didn't know why, but she felt really annoyed when Luffy did that. There he was, literally proposing to her, and yet he just proposes to Robin so easily. It was like it was no big deal to him. When she thought about it, it probably wasn't. She just ignored the feeling. Besides, it's not like Robin is gonna say "yes", right? When Nami heard Robin giggle, Nami thought she was right.

"Sure."

Nami's eyes popped open in shock and surprise. She looked right at Robin. She could tell that Robin wasn't kidding. She was dead serious.

"I actually wouldn't mind being your wife, Luffy. Being the Queen of the Pirates sounds pretty interesting, too."

"Really? I'm glad. I'd love to be with you as long as I can." Those words hurt Nami. "With all of my crew if possible."

Robin giggled once again. "So do I. Though, Franky might have to make the ship bigger for the children." Both Nami and Sanji jolted at that comment.

Luffy looked confused. "Kids? There would be kids on the ship?"

Robin smiled at her captain, a teasing look in her eye. "Is that a problem?"

"No problem at all. I love kids."

Robin happily smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. Though, it would take a while. Nine months at the least."

"NO!" Sanji finally snapped. He ran over towards Luffy, and started shaking him by his vest, with a fire raging in his visible eye. "I'LL NEVER LET THAT HAPPEN! I'LL NEVER ALLOW LUFFY TO DEFILE ROBIN-CHAN'S HONOR!"

Luffy was still confused. "Defile her honor? What do you mean?"

"I MEAN I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU HAVE SE-"

"Sanji-san." Sanji froze in fear when he heard Robin's voice. Had he looked behind him, he would have seen the same terrifying Robin he saw on Thriller Bark. "Be careful with what you say next."

Sanji let go of Luffy, shaking like a leaf. "Yes, ma'am."

Luffy's confused look never went away. "Hey Robin, what was Sanji about to say?"

"Oh, nothing you need to know about. Not yet, anyway."

"Oh, okay." Before anything happened, Luffy felt a tug on his fishing pole. "I got something! Hey Usopp, help me out!"

Usopp was completely shocked by the conversation. His brain pretty much shut down when he heard Robin except Luffy's proposal. Hearing Luffy yell out his name woke him up. "Huh? Uh, yeah. Sure." He then ran over to Luffy, and helped him pull out a shark.

"Oh, cool! A shark! Let's put it in the aquarium!"

"Uh-uh! No way! Remember what happened last time, Luffy. Let's just have it for lunch."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Sanji! Cook this guy, would ya?!"

Sanji was depressed after Robin's threat. "Huh? Sure." Pretty much lifelessly, Sanji kicked the shark unconscious, and dragged the beast into the kitchen to make some lunch.

Zoro was loving what he saw. Sure, hearing Robin say she wouldn't mind being Luffy's wife, as well as the mother of his child, was weird, but it was all worth it to see that cook's dejected face. He actually hoped Luffy and Robin would tie the knot just to see Sanji's reaction. Hell, he just hoped any beautiful woman would marry Luffy, just for the sake of seeing Sanji suffer (insert Hancock making another cute sneeze). Feeling good, Zoro decided to go train in the Crow's Nest. His high on happiness allowed him to train practically the rest of the day, with only lunch time interrupting him.

Chopper went back to making medicine. He was lost in thought. "Hm, so Luffy and Nami aren't married. . . . But Luffy will marry Robin when he's Pirate King? Hm, maybe I should get some books about child delivery. Oh, I should probably make some medicine just in case the baby ever gets sick. . . . But then again, it is going to be Luffy's child. Has Luffy ever gotten sick before? Maybe I should ask him." The doctor turned towards his captain, who was still fishing. "Hey, Luffy! Have you ever gotten sick before?"

"Huh? No. Never been."

"Okay. How about you, Robin? Have you ever been sick?"

"Yes. When I was a child, I suffered from a case of the flu."

Chopper nodded. "Alright, then just in case, I'll make some medication for the child." Though he mumbled that part, Robin still heard it. She couldn't help but giggle, and went back to reading.

Brook noticed that Franky was writing something. "Franky-san, would you mind me asking what you are doing?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm just making preparations for making the ship more kid friendly. I don't even want to know what Nico Robin would do to me if I let anything happen to her little one." Franky then got a chill when remembered what she did to him just to make him join Luffy's crew.

"Ooh, how smart. Then, I shall work on making new lullabies for the child. They'll be so soothing, that they will even make me shut my eyes in peace. Ah, but I don't have any eyes to shut. Yohohohoho!"

Nami just sat there at her table, listening to every word her crew mates said. She really didn't like hearing any of it. She then looked at Robin, peacefully reading a book. Practically on auto-pilot, Nami walked over towards Robin. She wasn't standing in her light, but Robin was still able to notice her. "Is something the matter, Nami-san?"

"Where you serious?"

"Hm?"

"About marrying Luffy."

"Oh. Actually..." Nami waited for the answer. She didn't realize she was holding her breath... or that she was hoping Robin would say no. "I was."

Nami looked shocked... and a bit hurt. "A-are you sure? I mean, Luffy's a kid."

"Oh my, are you saying I'm too old for him?" Robin had a bit of a sassy smile.

"More like too mature." Robin's smile was replaced with indifference. "He's so impulsive. He goes head first into everything. He's as immature as they get. He's the very definition of an idiot. He's so... HIM."

"And that's why I wouldn't mind marrying him." Nami was caught off guard by the response. "He's a soul with a pure heart. True, he's naive and innocent, possibly as much, if not more than our little Chopper, but that's one of his many good points."

"Many?"

"Many. As you've seen, he's extremely loyal, ready to fight pirates, evil organizations, self-proclaimed gods, and even the entire world just to protect one of his crew mates. Twice in my life, I just wanted to die, first in Alabasta and then in Enies Lobby. In both situations, he gave me a reason to live. No matter what... he just wouldn't give up on me. He's always giving me a reason to live, to try, and even... to smile. He's also more than powerful enough to protect those closest to him, meaning the family he makes will be kept nice and safe. Plus, a personality like his would be great with children. He'd be an ideal father."

"Somehow, I doubt he even knows how babies are made in the first place."

Robin giggled at that. "Oh, that can be easily remedied." Robin had a gleam in her eye that made Nami blush.

The two women heard a crash and the sound of something splashing in the kitchen. "AHH! SANJI!"

"WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! WHY DID HE JUST FAINT?!"

"HE'S GOT BURNS FROM THE HOT SOUP! SOMEONE GET A DOCTOR!"

"Huh?"

"A doctor!"

A slap was heard. "That's you."

"Oh, right."

The two women just stared at the kitchen, before Robin went back to reading. She looked up slightly to see that Nami still looked depressed. "You know, he'd probably marry you too if you wanted him to."

Nami blushed a deep red. "I said I don't want him! Besides, he already has you anyway."

"Nami, Luffy is a pirate. Pirates don't tend to follow the rules of society, especially not Luffy. If he was told that he had to choose between you and me, who do you think he would pick?"

"Both. He's too selfish to decide between two things he wants or cares about, especially when it comes to crew mates."

"Indeed. Our captain is an extremely selfish and greedy man. He would never pick one and condemn the other. He'd just find a way to take both. Trying to make him follow the normal rules of marriage would be a waste of time. He'd see them as shackles trying to impede his freedom."

Nami thought about it, and realized that Robin was right. "Still, you're pretty much saying we should share him."

"That's actually exactly what I'm saying."

Nami blushed. "B-but wouldn't it be weird? Two women married to the same man? What would we even be to one another?"

"Hm. If I had to guess, sister wives, maybe?"

Nami was stunned. "Robin, how can you be so calm about this?"

"Because I already see us as a family." Nami was caught off guard by the answer. "Nami, I care for you... as if you were my own flesh and blood sister. I also care for Luffy, and it's obvious that he cares for us. Thanks to him, I feel like I'm part of a family, and this family has given me countless happy memories. Many of those memories were given to me by Luffy himself. Even if I were to marry him... I highly doubt any of our relationships would change. He certainly wouldn't let them." Nami still had an understandably skeptical look. It caused Robin to giggle. "Nami, you don't need to worry about it now."

"Hm?"

"Luffy said it himself. He's not interested in marriage. Not now. Right now, all he wants is to be the King of the Pirates. It will take quite a bit of time for him to achieve that goal, even with our help. You have plenty of time to think about it. Who knows? He may totally fall in love with you, with me, or with another woman." Hancock sneezed once more. She was starting to get annoyed. "For now, just enjoy the voyage." Robin then patted the seat of the beach chair next to her, signaling for Nami to sit next to her.

A few moments passed, but with a tired sigh, Nami took the seat. The two sat in silence before Nami turned towards her friend. "Just so you know, if by some crazy twist of fate we do both marry Luffy, and that's a huge if, I don't plan on marrying another man. Luffy's it. That alright with you?"

"Of course. I was thinking the same thing. If I marry Luffy, then no other man has so much as a ghost of a chance with me." This caused both women to laugh.

"AND NOW HE'S CRYING!"

"SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SANJI TODAY?! CHOPPER, CAN'T YOU FIX HIM?!"

"I HAVEN'T MADE A MEDICINE TO CURE HOPELESS PEOPLE!"

Nami sweatdropped at Chopper's response. "I'm pretty sure that would be even harder than becoming Pirate King."

Robin giggled. "That may be true."

"Hey, Usopp! Come out here and see this!"

"Huh? Jeez, what does Luffy want now? Good luck with Sanji, Chopper."

Chopper was just finishing bandaging the red, hot, crying cook. "Leave him to me."

"Hm. Okay, Luffy. What is- IS THAT THE RED LINE?!"

"Yup. We made it."

The entire crew, minus a still depressed Sanji went on deck to stare at the great wall.

Luffy gave his trademark smile. "Just one more time, halfway around the world, and we'll be seeing this wall again. And that's when I'll be... KING OF THE PIRATES!"

As the crew stared at the great wall, Robin and Nami looked at each other, and smiled. They both had the same thought. "And when that happens, one of us, or both of us... will be the Queen of the Pirates."

 **A/N: Sheesh. It really is better that Oda went his way. If it was my way, it would cause a hell of a lot of trouble. Still fun to think about it, though. But damn, I was thinking this one-shot would be, what, five pages? I went WAY overboard. I practically doubled my estimate. It was just too much fun. Anyway, those of you who know me well enough must also know this: I love alternate endings, alternate timelines, et. cetera. If you guys think you can improve this one-shot in any way, do it. Send it to me via PM or DocX, and I'll upload it under a chapter with your name on it, literally. Example, if my friend Vulcan D. Corey Smith sent me his version, I'd upload it as Vulcan D. Corey Smith's Version, or something like that. So, go wild. Revise or rework this story any way you like, and send it to me. Lord knows that one of you could probably make better Skull Jokes than I can. Not much of a joke teller. Good luck, boys and girls. Till next time!**


	2. Chapter 2: Awareness Bringer's version

**A/N: Oh, hell yeah. Got myself a new version, and from a friend of mine no less.**

"I'll never forgive you!" Declared Lola the Zombie Warthog as she chased the screaming Nami across the immediate area of Thriller Bark. With Chopper and Usopp tripping on the way, the orange-haired girl was left to feel Lola's wrath alone.

"You'll be brutalized if it's the last thing I do!" Yelled Lola as she swung her swords wildly.

Running like mad, Nami dug in her skirt's pockets looking for something that could help distract or trick her pursuer until finally she took out something she least expected to see.

'A ring?!' She exclaimed in her head. While she didn't remember where she got the gold, diamond encrusted ring from, an idea popped in her head which sounded too good to pass up. Placing it on her left ring finger, she turned to the approaching Zombie.

"You'll never have Absalom!" Screamed Lola as she got ready for the killing blow with her swords.

"Well, I don't want him!" Nami retorted with her ring made visible. "I'm already married!"

Shocked, Lola stopped in her tracks before her blades made contact with Nami's body. Nearby, Chopper and Usopp were also stunned.

"I beg your pardon?" Lola asked finally.

"You heard me!" Nami stated before thinking it over some more. "I've been off the market for some time! My name is Monkey Nami, wife of Captain Monkey D. Luffy!"

As Lola dropped her swords in complete surprise much to Nami's relief, the two Straw Hat Pirates nearby were even more stunned by the supposed revelation.

"When did that happen?" Whispered Chopper to Usopp.

"I don't know." Usopp replied in a similar whisper. "Maybe she's just bluffing her way out of this. I'd probably do the same thing so long as it's safe."

"You're really married?" Lola asked somewhat hopeful.

"Of course, I am." Replied Nami, happy that Lola stopped attacking her. "And I'm here to tell you from one bride to another not to give up! I definitely think you were meant for Absalom, just as Luffy was meant for me!" Inwardly, however, she thought. 'I'd probably pick Luffy over that creep anyway.'

"You really mean it?" Cried Lola as she fell to her knees while Nami nodded. "Oh, thank you, Mrs. Monkey! You're the first person to have ever encouraged me. To have a successful wife on my side just warms my heart."

Nami sincerely smiled and offered her hand to a confused Lola.

"Since we're friends, I should support you in your quest for love, right? And you can just call me Nami."

Lola grabbed her hand then allowed her tears of joy to flow freely.

"Oh, Nami!"

As the two new friends shook hands, their past animosity at an end, the onlookers murmured to themselves.

"Well, at least the warthog will leave us alone, for now." Usopp commented quietly.

"Yeah." Nodded Chopper. "But something tells me things on the Sunny will be interesting when we get back and the others find out what happened here."

"True. I can actually imagine Sanji freaking out." After the mess at Thriller Bark was put behind them, the Straw Hat Pirates found themselves on the deck of the Thousand Sunny for one reason or another. Luffy was fishing, Sanji was giving drinks to the ladies who were absorbed in their reading materials, Zoro was sleeping as usual, Usopp was repairing Nami's Clima-Tact, Franky was steering the ship, Chopper was grinding herbs for a new medicine, and the new crewmate, Brook, was playing a soft melody on his violin.

However, Luffy's mind was occupied by the confusing words Lola of the Rolling Pirates told him before they went their separate ways.

"I'm sorry that I was mistaken." She said. "I had no idea you were already married. For what it's worth, I think you and that Nami girl look cute together."

Those words have distracted him since. Considering that he and Nami weren't married, last he checked. Thinking it over constantly, he decided to finally ask her what happened.

"Hey, Nami."

"Yeah, Luffy?" She responded from her sitting place before taking a sip of her drink.

"Did you tell Lola that we're married?"

Shocked, Nami spat out her drink in a torrent and alongside Chopper and Usopp looked at Luffy with wide-eyed surprise, Zoro woke up befuddled, Sanji dropped his serving dish before falling on his back in despair, Robin put down her book and did her best to hide a giggle, while the remaining Straw Hats responded vocally.

"Already in love and married?" Brook commented with amusement. "While I missed the ceremony, I swear upon my heart and soul to play music for the happy moments that your marriage will bring. Of course, I don't have a heart anymore, do I?"

"That's some super awesome news, you guys!" Exclaimed Franky with a pose. "If you need anything for yourselves or your future babies just let me know!"

"Okay, ignoring those guys, I'd like to know the truth." Said Luffy to the red-faced Nami.

"Which Lola told you?" Asked Usopp. "In addition to the Pirate who helped us, there was a Zombie named Lola that Nami had to lie to when she was swinging her swords at her."

"Yeah, that Lola was crazy jealous." Said Chopper.

"You were there?!" Nami screamed, embarrassed.

"Relax, we didn't buy it for long." Usopp said in a calming gesture.

"So, I guess you can take that ring off now." Chopper said in an almost teasing manner.

"Shut up, Chopper!" Yelled Nami, still embarrassed as she took the ring off her finger before she turned back to Luffy trying to control herself. "I guess when the Pirate Lola got her shadow back, she remembered that I was friends with her Zombie counterpart."

"So, no marriage?" Luffy somewhat asked with disappointment that actually caught Nami off-guard.

"No, Luffy." Nami replied with a sigh. "I like you, but in all honesty, with the way you are now, you'd most likely wouldn't be ready for marriage." She hesitated for a bit. "And a guy who isn't ready is the last person I want to marry. I'm sorry."

Nami's words actually brought Luffy to an almost sad state as Sanji got out of his depressed state exclaiming happily.

"Oh, that is so much better to hear! It's not like there's any beautiful woman in her right mind who would want to marry a guy like Luffy anyway! He's an idiot for crying out loud who probably doesn't know a thing about-"

"Sanji." Interjected Robin with a firm tone as Luffy looked even more miserable with Sanji's words. "Be careful with what you say."

Scarred by Robin's implicit threat and witnessing Luffy's saddened state as well as the other angrier looks he was getting from their crewmates, Sanji took on a guilty look, whimpering.

"I'm sorry, everyone."

"You should be, you perverted moron." Said Zoro. "Besides, what if there is a gorgeous woman out there or right here who actually sees something in Luffy that wouldn't see in a guy like you?"

"Then I might as well go to the most hellish place I can think of, especially if he gets a harem." Replied a somewhat annoyed Sanji. Meanwhile, on the island known as Amazon Lily, the Snake Princess, Boa Hancock, started to sneeze uncontrollably.

"Are you cold, sister?" Marigold asked concerned.

"No." Replied Hancock. "It feels more like someone is talking about me, as superstitious as it sounds."

"Must be those Marine brutes." Said Sandersonia with a frown.

"It matters not." Said Hancock. "It's not like there's a man who could ever conquer me, anyway.

At the same time, on the Big Top, another beautiful woman started sneezing uncontrollably as well.

"Oh, my lord." Gasped Alvida with a smile. "The only man who ever conquered me must be taking about me! Oh, Luffy! Someday we will see each other again, and I will make you mine!"

As Alvida kept blabbering about her love interest, the Buggy Pirates by her side couldn't help but facepalm.

Concurrently, the entire Queer population of Momoiro Island started sneezing as well before talking about their manly crushes.

Sighing, Luffy then stood properly and told his crew.

"I wouldn't want to get a wife until I'm the Pirate King, anyway. That way, my wife can become the Queen of the Pirates." Turning to Nami, he regained his usual smile and asked her. "Would that at least interest you, Nami?"

"Like I'm going to answer that." Nami retorted with a blush before getting back to her drink.

"Okay, I understand." Luffy then turned to Robin. "What about you, Robin? Would you marry me if I asked you?"

Nami, for a reason even she didn't know, couldn't help but be annoyed. Hearing Robin giggle, she ignored the feeling thinking she'd decline, anyway.

"Sure." Robin finally answered. "Being the Pirate Queen sounds pretty interesting as well."

"Really?" Said Luffy with a smile as the others gawked. "Awesome! I'd love to be together with you. And when I am ready, we can mate and have kids."

"That would be delightful." Smiled Robin as well, even as their crewmates got even more dumbfounded.

"Give me a break!" Screamed Sanji with tears.

As life on the Thousand Sunny eventually turned back to as normal as the Straw Hat Pirates can be, Nami went to Robin and asked.

"You weren't serious about marrying Luffy, were you?"

"I actually was." Robin answered honestly, much to Nami's shock and emotional pain.

"But Luffy, by a lot of accounts, is a kid compared to you."

"In terms of age or maturity?" Robin had a sassy smile on her face as she waited for an answer.

"Both?" Shrugged Nami. "He's just so… him."

"That's why I would marry him." Nami was caught off guard. "Think about it, Nami, he may be even more naïve and innocent than our little Chopper, but his purity of heart has given him a sense of loyalty to his comrades so powerful that I wouldn't be living, trying, and smiling as I am now without him. He's also physically strong enough to keep the family he will one day make happy and safe. Plus, his personality will be most endearing to his future children."

Seeing Nami depressed, Robin then said.

"He'd probably marry you as well, if you wanted."

"Why could I ever be interested in him?" Nami said with a blush. "Besides, he'll have you."

"Once he becomes the Pirate King, it's most likely Luffy will follow the rules of society even less than he does now. He would never pick one bride and condemn the other. He wants to be the freest man in the world, so he'll never let anything shackle him."

Thinking it over, Nami realized Robin was right, but kept her blushing face.

"So, you're saying we should share him? Wouldn't it be weird for two, if not more, women were married to the same man? What would we even be to one another?"

"Sister-wives, I suppose." Robin sassily said which stunned Nami.

"Robin, how can you be so calm about this?"

"Because I already see us as a family, Nami. I care for you as if you're my very own blood related sister, and I care for Luffy just as he cares for us. If we did marry, I doubt any of the bonds between us will change. I know he wouldn't let them. But you don't have to worry about it for now."

"Huh?"

"Luffy's dream is to be the King of the Pirates first and find his Queen, or Queens, after. You'll have plenty of time to think it over. He might fall in love with just one woman, a dozen women, or any number of women between one and twelve. It remains to be seen. Until then, let's enjoy the voyage."

Taking seats on beach chairs, Nami sighed then told her friend.

"If by some fluke, we both marry Luffy, I'd like to let it be known that one man would be quite enough for me."

"Same for me." Robin said which brought a laugh from them both.

"Guys!" Shouted Luffy as he pointed at the massive landmass of a great wall in front of the Sunny. "I see the Red Line! We're going to make it! I will be King of the Pirates!"

As the entire crew stared at the Red Line in awe, Robin and Nami exchanged a knowing glance, thinking the same thing.

'And we'll be ready to be Queen of the Pirates.'

 **A/N: Not bad, not bad at all. I actually like this version. He even added Alvida. If any of you thought I was kidding before, Awareness Bringer has probably made you more aware of my truth. If you send me your version, I will post it under your name. You can use your favorite ship, you can make it harem, you could even make it... I'm not gonna say it, but I'm betting you know what I'm talking about. Hint for those who still don't know: Guest1 said I could have made it funnier by making Luffy ask one of the guys to marry him. I did think about it at first, but I'm not into that. However, I know at least one of the many fans of One Piece who read this is. So, even though it scares me, you still have my permission to send me THAT kind of version. So, to all of you who think they can make it better, or just want to make their own spin on the fic, go nuts. I give you my blessings.**


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